A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
