Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
