So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
