I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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