one might say we're banned from that church
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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