I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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