Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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