This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
