Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she looked like the before picture.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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