Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
