just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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