Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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