I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
