I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I love you.
Bad choice
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
