so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
