it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
