you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
