were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
