My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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