Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
