there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
