does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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