meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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