The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
