I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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