OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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