There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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