I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
