I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
