I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
