either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
