A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wish you could order shots online.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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