his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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