P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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