WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
