I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
