Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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