Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
