I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
