i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
