party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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