Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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