Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize