I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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