im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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