I need to stop coming to work sober
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
