I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
