You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize