how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
