Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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