I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
