Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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