I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize