Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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