Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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