The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
