Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
