They should really pass out barf bags in church
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
