kristin has been a bad kristin
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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