You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
