There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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