I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
