I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
