A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize