well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
