I think i sorta joined a cult last night
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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