We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
