Dual....:-)
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
