accomplished twins. life is a go
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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