He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
