so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
