to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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