When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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