If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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