1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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