she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
