I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
