I wannas sexs uuuuu
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize