why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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