I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
