people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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