I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
