it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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