im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
