smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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