You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
