Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
