the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
