just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
