I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
