Non-Jews are for practice
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize