FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
