i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
