lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
