you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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