By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
