I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
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