I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
