even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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