Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
