I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
