If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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