I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
