so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
