it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
