Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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