i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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