The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
