after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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