i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
