Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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