i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
