well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
