I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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