neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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