apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
