Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
