fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
